I was out of love with London when i booked my tickets here. I had had enough. I hoped that I would find something that couldn't be satiated in London - both professionally, culturally and spiritually. Admittedly, few days after booking the tickets i realised i may live to regret my rash decision, but i thought what the hell, let me give that place one last try, a REAL try where im living there, not just visiting. I always felt guilty that my grip on Islam, arabic and sudanese customs are slipping...that i would go back in 10 or so years time and be even more disconnected than now.
we arrived at my mum's side of the family house, which is where i will be based. its in what they consider high society back in the day, but in my opinion it must have lost some of its glamour, theres much nicer places in Khartoum. But all I have to do is say where we live to anyone here, and you can literally their perception of me changing. "oh...ur one of 'them'"! There's just my grandmother (as all grandmothers, is a character and a half, more of her gems will be revealed) and my uncle (once living the rastafari dream in Brighton, now back here to look after his mum as he's one of two sons left unmarried) living in a massive house. One more uncle lives in an apartment next to us with his wife and 4 girls. thats it.
we went to see my dads side of the family to say some prayers for our grandmother that passed away since the last time we were here.
been to the usual parties and weddings. its the same affair everytime, i usually like getting ready more than the actual going out, its so much fun, i can be a carefree airhead. you can actually find time to look after yourself, you can afford to get waxed, you can afford to go to the hairdressers, morrocan baths, every WEEK, you got time to try out different makeup techniques..YOU GOT SO MUCH TIME! i started to feel sorry for myself in London, literally all i could do was shape my fingernails when they got in the way of getting out my debit card... you never have time and it costs so much. Here you feel feminine, its weird, i feel like a girl (woman? 24 next month aarrghh), im certain London desexualizes you, whether thats such a negative or positive remains to be seen.
hang on first i need to explain something that will be able to put all i write from this point on in context, its the theory of "Sudanese State of Mind". Now we all know developing countries have a tendency to be laid back and all, you know theres so much to worry about and think about that jobs/errands/deals have to be finsihed haphazardly due to lack of resources etc...but really, if there were a nation to be commemorated for laziness it is the Sudanese. My GOD! everything takes approximately double plus 2 times to completion, and by complete i mean, maybe possibly by tomorrow God willing if nothing more important pops up, you would consider it HALF acceptably finished. Resources are available but the mentality still is lacking. So I hold no real hope of finding a job...
There is a course im thinking of applying to, in a decent university, its just a diploma but I really hate to stay too idle so i might as well study for a bit, get a qualification so i fill my time doing something that isnt just eating out & come back with something. plus i might have a chance of integrating more and getting to know people my age...not just family's friends.
If i come back that is. Yes. Im getting that "why the hell am I in London" feeling that started in India.....even here. I know i said things take ages to get things done, but i think once i get used to it it wouldnt frustrate me to the point of gouging my eyes out. Plus, ima lazy person, theres no getting out of that, im conditioned by my parenting to be lazy, its in my genes to be lazy, ive tried many years to fight my laziness but to no avail. It might not show in London as much because you cant afford to be lazy there. You'll get a whipping from parents, landlords, council, CCTV, bus conductors, bouncers, tv licence people and other various authorities that all try and ensure your awareness and athleticness. And quite frankly im tired of having to be aware all the times, i want to chillax..and in Sudan, you so can. And so I will.
we arrived at my mum's side of the family house, which is where i will be based. its in what they consider high society back in the day, but in my opinion it must have lost some of its glamour, theres much nicer places in Khartoum. But all I have to do is say where we live to anyone here, and you can literally their perception of me changing. "oh...ur one of 'them'"! There's just my grandmother (as all grandmothers, is a character and a half, more of her gems will be revealed) and my uncle (once living the rastafari dream in Brighton, now back here to look after his mum as he's one of two sons left unmarried) living in a massive house. One more uncle lives in an apartment next to us with his wife and 4 girls. thats it.
we went to see my dads side of the family to say some prayers for our grandmother that passed away since the last time we were here.
been to the usual parties and weddings. its the same affair everytime, i usually like getting ready more than the actual going out, its so much fun, i can be a carefree airhead. you can actually find time to look after yourself, you can afford to get waxed, you can afford to go to the hairdressers, morrocan baths, every WEEK, you got time to try out different makeup techniques..YOU GOT SO MUCH TIME! i started to feel sorry for myself in London, literally all i could do was shape my fingernails when they got in the way of getting out my debit card... you never have time and it costs so much. Here you feel feminine, its weird, i feel like a girl (woman? 24 next month aarrghh), im certain London desexualizes you, whether thats such a negative or positive remains to be seen.
hang on first i need to explain something that will be able to put all i write from this point on in context, its the theory of "Sudanese State of Mind". Now we all know developing countries have a tendency to be laid back and all, you know theres so much to worry about and think about that jobs/errands/deals have to be finsihed haphazardly due to lack of resources etc...but really, if there were a nation to be commemorated for laziness it is the Sudanese. My GOD! everything takes approximately double plus 2 times to completion, and by complete i mean, maybe possibly by tomorrow God willing if nothing more important pops up, you would consider it HALF acceptably finished. Resources are available but the mentality still is lacking. So I hold no real hope of finding a job...
There is a course im thinking of applying to, in a decent university, its just a diploma but I really hate to stay too idle so i might as well study for a bit, get a qualification so i fill my time doing something that isnt just eating out & come back with something. plus i might have a chance of integrating more and getting to know people my age...not just family's friends.
If i come back that is. Yes. Im getting that "why the hell am I in London" feeling that started in India.....even here. I know i said things take ages to get things done, but i think once i get used to it it wouldnt frustrate me to the point of gouging my eyes out. Plus, ima lazy person, theres no getting out of that, im conditioned by my parenting to be lazy, its in my genes to be lazy, ive tried many years to fight my laziness but to no avail. It might not show in London as much because you cant afford to be lazy there. You'll get a whipping from parents, landlords, council, CCTV, bus conductors, bouncers, tv licence people and other various authorities that all try and ensure your awareness and athleticness. And quite frankly im tired of having to be aware all the times, i want to chillax..and in Sudan, you so can. And so I will.
